Always Fighting for Love
Season 15, Series Finale


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Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, and Misha Collins | © CW Network

"You do anything for a long period of time, you kinda feel it when it comes to an end."
—Jensen Ackles

Fifteen years. Wow. Congratulations, Supernatural. I didn't expect I would have time for this, but this is the end. The end of a show I used to think, used to hope, maybe would never end. Fifteen years and somehow it feels both too soon and well earned. Now that, quite surprisingly, Chuck was beaten before the series finale, I'm sitting here in my room one day before it's all over to contemplate life without the Winchesters in it. Or, more accurately, without any new stories featuring them. They'll always be in my life, as SPN is one of my favorite series of all time. I will be rewatching some day.

During every series or season finale of my favorite shows, I'll be staring at the TV, nearly motionless, looking emotionless as I try to brace myself for the inevitable, for the awful thing that will take my favorite characters. But the boys have already been through every awful thing, came back and took more, and they even beat God one episode sooner than I expected. They perservered the way they always have, through the strength of their love for each other. So, no matter how "Carry On" goes—whether it's continuing the hunt, or an easy life for the boys from here on and contemplations about a wonderful future for them, or whether there's a montage of the rest of their lives as they go to their final rest—it will all be okay. I have no idea what the end will actually entail and I'm a bit nervous, just trying to reassure myself. They already won in "Inherit the Earth" and Jack will be a loving God who doesn't need people to worship him. The biggest bads have been taken care of. Their work is done. They saved the world one last time. Even if there will always be monsters to hunt, it's nothing compared to what they already endured.

It's not only Sam and Dean or Jared and Jensen I'll miss, though. Of course not. This series has killed off a lot of people I got attached to. The biggest one previously being Bobby. Now it's Castiel. I seriously miss Castiel and the way Misha played him with such sweetness, kindness, and heart, always trying to do the right thing. It was beautiful that he told Dean he learned to care because Dean cared. We saw it happen in real time, slowly over many years, but having that confirmation was everything. It's sad not to have him here for the last two episodes. There were so many great lines he had during his 146 episodes, but his last speech was truly shattering and uplifting at the same time. It was also something I knew about Dean from the start, how much he loves, and always wanted to hear someone say out loud.

"Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know."
—Castiel to Dean

Then he says, "I love you," and then he's gone!!! 💔 😭 By the way, I forgot about that deal Cas made with the Empty. A deal for It to take him forever if he experienced a moment of true happiness. Maybe I didn't want to remember. If I ignored it, it would never come true. I always hoped all three of them would make it to the end, but this was a beautiful sacrifice, and Castiel got to tell Dean he loved him and that Dean isn't just the broken thing he thinks he is.

This scene reminded me of when Cas saved Mary from Billie, on the verge of tears telling them, "I won't let you die and I won't let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to everything." But, obviously, this time the emotion was even more heightened. Castiel was saying goodbye forever. You die in one of the last episodes of a series, even one where death isn't always permanent, you're probably gone for good. So many of my favorite characters die that I made a list once. It grew to over 30 sad endings before somehow I lost the list. Even though Cas is gone, I'll always have hope for a reunion if they ever do a one-off movie length episode in the future. They can't give up these characters for good forever. They're too much a part of their lives.

I know fickle people who get sick of dramatic series after a few years, who are always looking for them to wrap up sooner rather than later, who think that the story gets stale. If you don't want to spend 15 years with your favorite characters, then that's on you. Supernatural has proven a show can try new things and evolve its story and not get stale over a long period of time. The Walking Dead has done the same for me and everyone who has stuck with it and enjoyed the seasons that others derided, the seasons that were so deeply depressing and harrowing, but so fulfilling in what the actors gave us. Fringe didn't have a chance to get stuck in any ruts, because it was over too soon, but it was continually moving forward towards a bittersweet conclusion. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. reinvented itself every ten or so episodes, always catapulting the story off into new directions, regularly breaking our hearts and blowing our minds, but even 7 seasons was too much for some and they checked out. Doctor Who has been doing this kind of thing for over 50 years. All of these shows have things in common: the characters are there, the writing is there, the acting is phenomenal. And the stories get deep. They're all about love and family and hope and heart, and you want to spend as much time as you can with them.

I wish I had time to write more. Fifteen years deserves so much more. Time is up, though, and anything I say will have to be enough for now. I got far too busy long ago and years of things I wanted to say about Supernatural (and other shows) are still waiting in my notes app to be turned into something here. Maybe now that my work is transitioning to something better and all my favorite shows but one are ending, I'll finally have the time.

Goodbye, boys. Carry on. Surely Heaven waits for you, but I hope it's a long ways away.

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