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James Spader | Image copyright NBC

"She's nothing to you. A distant, confused memory. I'm the one you want... You set the terms. However you want, I'll do it. My life for hers."

Ulrich Thomsen | Image copyright NBC

"I think you're compassionate. You believe he's your father. When push comes to shove, your impulse will be to save him."

"You are going to save me, Masha! Save me, Masha!"
The desperation in his voice hurt me a little. Pleading always does that. #TheBlacklist

— Erin Bates (@Reinbeast) November 4, 2016

Even when I don't like someone, it gets to me every time. The best example of that I think will always be Ben Linus digging his own grave on Lost. It was then that I realized that Michael Emerson was a superb actor, when he made my heart break for a villain. Now I'd definitely like to see more of Kirk, because Ulrich Thomsen killed this scene.

Megan Boone | Image copyright NBC

When I turned myself in, I never imagined things could've turned out this badly... I knew it'd be hard, but I never expected that it would get harder with every day... Now all I see is the resentment in her eyes.

Normally, I have some things to say about the episode, or at least the start of it, before I get to the tweets. Something amusing or profound the episode revealed about Red or Liz or life. I'm not saying this episode didn't have that. I just ran out of time to do anything more than bring you these tweets. I promise to have more for you when I rewatch this one in the future.

"Just because he was your mother's husband doesn't make him your father." —Reddington#TheBlacklist

— Erin Bates (@Reinbeast) October 28, 2016

Well, it's more likely than not in most cases, and Liz is desperate to know her past. Stop dancing around the issue and tell her the truth, Red. And us. It would be nice for the audience to know...but I'm not rushing you. Take your time. Take all the time in the world, hon, like you already have. As I've said many times before, I love the tease and all the moments that hint but never come out and say exactly. I'm looking at it from Red's perspective, and he just can't get himself to reveal the truth. I love that about him, because it hurts him too much. He's trying to save Liz from that pain and he doesn't want to lose her.

James Spader | Image copyright NBC

"It won't come." "What?" "Forgiveness...for Kate. For what I did." "You did nothing." "Exactly."

James Spader | Image copyright NBC

"I thought I could make it better, that I could protect my baby. I mean, that's my one job: to protect my child, make her feel safe at any cost, to hold her, to tell her everything's gonna be okay. But now because of me, because of what I've done, I can't even do that."

James Spader and Megan Boone | Image copyright NBC

"Reddington didn't just have an affair with my mother. She was assigned to him, to be in his life...the way you were assigned to be in mine."

I am perpetually behind (obviously) and don't want to be spoiled. But I also don't want to turn notifications off and only remember to turn them back on later when I start wondering why no one is responding to, liking, or retweeting anything I've said.

James Spader and Susan Blommaert | Image copyright NBC

"You must have suffered some sick, traumatic, dark event to believe that the sick, traumatic, dark things you've done to me and everyone I care about could ever result in me loving you."

I'm finally watching almost live and the DVR actually recorded today. Yay! #TheBlacklist

— Erin Bates (@Reinbeast) September 30, 2016

So, so often my family wants to watch as much TV as possible, and just about every show gets time shifted...including this episode, because as soon as I tweeted that, I had to pause for 20 minutes.

James Spader | Image copyright NBC

"What I desire is to raise my child, to watch her grow, and to have back the 26 years of being a father that you took from me. But you can't give me that, can you?" "No. Because she was never yours to raise."

For no reason at all, our DVR decided to skip The Blacklist premiere! Had the room, had the tuners, there were no conflicts, it was set to record, and it just never started. So, I started (the intense as ever) season 4, by missing out on the first 14 minutes of important details. I caught up six days later, but that's where my troubles keeping up with this season of TV began, right at the beginning.

Cape May. I never imagined just the name of a place could have such an affect on me. Though The Blacklist has had much to recommend it, "Cape May" was a standout in its depiction of grief, the way it flowed from beginning to end with the eerie feeling that something wasn't right, something was missing, like a half-remembered dream.

SPOILERS AHEAD...

Nothing was right, of course, and the missing piece, it could be said, was Red; he hadn't been there to save Katarina from herself and he failed to save her daughter. In a profound grief triggered by Liz's death, Red fled to probably the last place that holds significance for him. Not knowing what to do and too hurt to do anything else, Red sat on the beach of Cape May to stare out at the hypnotizing vastness that guides broken souls through all their "what ifs?" Before long, his distraught mind decided for him.

Barely having a chance to get lost in his thoughts, Red saw someone in trouble, a woman he had earlier seen fleeing a diner, pursued by a man in a flannel shirt with a scowl on this face. She was about to let the ocean take her. Having lost someone in such a way, Red didn't hesitate to act.

I had no clue who this woman was right then. I just thought it was nice for Red at his lowest to have someone to save. The first indication that something was off—those missing pieces—was the way this scene was edited. The woman started walking toward the ocean and Red ran after her, yelling for her to stop. She dove into the waves and he followed. Then suddenly, a little oddly, it cut to Red pulling her out of the water.

He helped her inside the beachfront inn, set her down by the fireplace, and went to get a blanket. He halted for a beat when the inn hostess appeared behind him and asked if he needed help. But this was the off season and no one else was there. He shrugged it off, found a blanket, started a fire, and layed down next to the suicidal woman. I assumed it was only for body heat and to comfort her, but then it seemed more intimate than that, his face showing more than the natural concern for another human being, his words too easily getting a confession out of her.

It's not that he died. It's not even the way he died. It's in the things I said to him just before he died.

When they had dinner, there was a wide shot of the table with two place settings where the woman was completely obscured by a post, as if she wasn't there at all and I got a sinking feeling. The next angle showed both of them and I was reassured, but then the unease about her returned with the way they seemed to have an unspoken connection and how she brought out of Red the terrible things that have happened, the choices he made.

I was arrogant. I presumed that there was an order to things, that there was - that if I nourished and protected and taught the child, she would be...safe and happy.

Then the attack came from the man in the diner. The woman whispered a warning to Red, and it sounded like she was right next to him, but she wasn't there. I was sure then of what I had begun to suspect. They talked in the living room afterwards, the woman at the piano and Red on the couch baring his soul again, the present in parallel with his past.

The Blacklist Tracklist

There was a woman I loved. She was my life...my heart. Then she died. She left behind a little girl: one last, precious piece of herself. I would give anything to be a part of that child's life, but a man made it clear I would never see her, hold her, watch her grow. And I knew in that moment, I would never be a part of that beautiful little girl's life...

This sad scene finished with a phone call, and they got ready for an onslaught. They won, but the people who were after the woman weren't going to give up. She had no options left, and Red did his best to talk her out of what he knew was coming by relating to her his witnessing of "a perfect circle of death."

That's every suicide. Every single one. An act of terror perpetrated against everyone who's ever known you, everyone who's ever loved you. The people closest to you, the ones who cherish you, are the ones who suffer the most pain, the most damage. Why would you do that? Why would you do that to people who love you?

A beautifully heart-felt plea to the woman he had loved. And her response is something he should have told Liz before it was too late. But don't we all think we have more time?

That little girl, the one you told me about, the one whose father you spared, what would you do if you knew, knew that as long as you drew breath, as long as you continued to exist her life would be in danger, she would be hunted, and she would be killed? What would you do?

Every one of their exchanges had felt like more than two strangers just getting to know each other; it's like they already did, but they were in a sort of purgatory where their memories of each other had vanished. Through all of this, until the end, Red didn't realize who he had saved, until after the woman inevitably walked into the water again, as she always would. Red's hallucination rewrote Katarina's last day as if he had been there with her, what he would have done to keep her safe. Everyone wishes they could change the past, but it is a deep and abiding sorrow, an utterly shattered heart, to be manifesting someone long-gone and to think she's actually there.

Now I wonder if Katarina really told him why she took her own life or if he just intuited it. Did she leave a note? (I don't remember if there was ever a hint of a note before.) Had he really been there in the past to help protect her from a couple of thugs and then did he leave when she asked him to? Is that why he said "I can't" and stayed with her, because this time things would be different? All I know for sure is she died and left behind little Masha. The rest could have been a scenario Red made up in this waking nightmare.

[EDIT I was in such a rush that there was a question I forgot to ask, until the latest episode reminded me of it. Why didn't Red recognize Katarina? At first I thought it was just the way his mind was working through the grief, like a dream where the people you know have different faces. That has happened to me a few times before. So, could it be that Katarina didn't really look like the woman in "Cape May"? Could it be that Red saw a flesh and blood woman in that diner, rather than a ghost his heart could never let go, and then built a scenario around her where she stood in for Katarina?]

What a superb episode. I didn't know James Spader could give more of his heart and soul than he already has throughout these past three seasons, but "Cape May" surpassed even "Madeline Pratt." That was the episode where Red recounted finding his daughter in a pool of her own blood, his eyes closed, transported back to that moment as if it had just happened, the wound never having healed.

And tonight, in "The Artax Network," the rest of the cast gets their chance to bring everything they have to the funeral episode. I'm really looking forward specifically to seeing how this affects Aram. Amir Arison was perfect in "The Director" when Aram saved Liz. That entire scene where he was trying to reassure Liz, pleaded for her life, performed CPR on her, and then threatened the Director was the highlight of Arison's work on the show.

I can't wait to see what the final episodes have in store, but I'm not even finished with this post. I sacrificed almost my entire work day for this, but I have to get to it or I will be scrambling to catch up on the weekend. So, I guess there will be a Part 3 of this post, which I will have to link to here.

When there's no way out
I'll let you build your home with me
'Til the clocks run down
...
When there's no way out
Call me and I will come and bury you
All safe and sound.

Beware of SPOILERS ahead.

Music and The Blacklist: They go hand-in-hand. Never in the the way or inappropriate, the music enhances the emotional payoff and sometimes reveals a little more than it seems at first. Look at the lyrics above, hinting at what was to come in the following episode. Just the words "no way out" should have instilled a sense of dread about the direction this two-parter was going to take. Every series uses music to help tell the story, but The Blacklist does it better than most. It wouldn't be any less without, because the emotions run high regardless, but the music makes it even more.

There was a mournful piece once early in the first season that, upon doing some research, I discovered was about the loss of a child. That one from "Frederick Barnes," which I talked about then, accompanied the scene where Red visited the house where he raised his family, looked to the top of the staircase with that ever-present sadness in his eyes, gently touched the banister, pulled off the paneling covering the height marks a parent makes to see how their child is growing, and then stopped and stared out the widow, lost in the memory of his daughter playing in the yard.

Whoever is choosing the music has used Radical Face to perfection I think twice now, and one of Electric President's members *is* Radical Face. But I'm still waiting for them to use "All is Well (Goodbye, Goodbye)."

So I collected all our plans and crimes
And set them all alight.
The only thing that bound me to this place,
You took with you when you died.

When I first heard this one, sometime a bit before or after "Madeline Pratt," I immediately thought of The Blacklist, every word aching with sadness. I think this song cuts deepest and closest to Red's heart and would be another brilliant choice for the series. Until then it has a place in my Reminds Me of the Blacklist playlist.

This wasn't supposed to be a post about the music, though. I decided to include the lyrics from two episodes prior to where we find Red now in "Cape May," because I watched it again and realized how true the lyrics were. Suddenly I was writing about the soundtrack. You can listen to it at The Blacklist Tracklist, which I started back in season 1, or The Blacklist Playlist, the one NBC finally created for their epically intimate crime/mystery/thriller series. NBC's playlist I assume is more complete, but doesn't seem to be all in order, and I don't know yet if there are songs on it that haven't been in the show. I have to give it a listen.

I had something else to say, too, and since this is long already, and people have short attention spans, I will split these up into two posts. The next part is coming soon—hopefully, before the next episode—and I'll link to it here when I've finished.

It's the children whom the world almost breaks who grow up to save it.

SPOILERS AHEAD...

That quote that I started with, the beautiful thing Red said to Liz, gave me hope that everything would be alright. But nothing was and may never be again for poor Red.

My dreams on Thursday night were so vivid. They weren't dreams specifically about The Blacklist, but they certainly involved Raymond Reddington or James Spader. I don't know who it was. All I know is that a lot of things were going on, it was a life and death situation, and I woke up a few times and thought of things I would say in this inevitable post. The shock of what happened most definitely interferred with sleep. The whole episode was intense, especially the end, which I never saw coming. I guess I just assumed that Liz/Megan would have the baby at or near the end of the season and take a summer break.

Keep her heart beating, Nik. Please, just keep her heart beating.

Right here it got really desperate and Spader had yet another chance to be superb. Being stopped by Mr. Solomon and his crew when they were still a couple miles out from a hospital, Red could do nothing but plead and watch as the life drained out of Liz. The looks on Dembe and Ressler's faces when they opened the van door and Nik (doctor/Liz's ex) said he had to call time of death. The shot of the back of Cooper's head, looking down on Aram, frozen in devastation, who just got the call. Poor Aram, who had recently saved Liz from a desperate situation, which gave Amir Arison his biggest role and best scenes to date. And then Samar doubling over, overcome with tears, being embraced by Ressler. That scene of everyone getting the news was so depressing.

Out of all the beautiful and flawlessly-acted scenes in the series, this wordless one may be Spader's finest.

Then there was Mr. Kaplan slo-mo walking away with Liz's body, glancing down...looking for movement? Hoping for it when she knows it's not possible? Or hoping Liz doesn't wake up too soon from whatever may have been secretly given to her? In an earlier scene, she was so concerned for Liz that in a way it felt they may be related somehow. It makes me think there is a slim chance this could be a move by Mr. Kaplan to get Liz away from Red. She is in charge of getting things done, and she got the medical equipment. Maybe she ordered a little something extra. Mr. Kaplan was very concerned and even tore Red a new one after he blamed Dembe for not having enough protection for Liz. She told Red just how wrong he was and that, if anything, it was his fault for needing to be in Liz's life. I don't know that I would want to see what happens to her if Red ever found out that he was deceived that way.

If Liz did survive, I wouldn't think she was in on it because of what that would do to her team and Tom, and it meant leaving her child behind. It's more likely, with the trauma she suffered, that Liz just couldn't hold on. The scene after she passed seemed pretty definitive. And that is one of the most messed up, depressing things the writers could have done to Red, who has already lost so much. By 'depressing' I don't mean disappointing in the least. Those are two very different things and a depressing turn on a television show can have the deepest impact and make me love a show even more if done right.

And what an impact it was: Here, finally, was something Red couldn't get out of, after so long having all the answers, after Liz so recently surviving having a target on her back. He thought he could come out of the woodwork and take down his enemies with the FBI's help, quipping and monologuing away in the face of death, knowing he's the most clever one in the room, and counting on all his resources, contingencies, intelligence, and some luck to win the day. But not this time. Not when the stakes were higher than ever; not again. Red involved Liz in his dangerous life and she paid the price. I wonder how guilty he will feel about that.

Every episode of this series has had something to recommend it, because of what the writers have given Spader and the brilliant way he takes their words to somewhere incredible, adding a beating heart and layers of emotion.

I remember at the beginning fearing that Red would die many years down the road, probably in spectacular fashion, in the series finale. It never crossed my mind that Liz could be the one to fall, and so soon. I wonder if the writers had this storyline in reserve all along in case Megan Boone got pregnant in real life and wanted to be written out. (If so, I wish her well in her new mom role.) I also wonder if they always meant to kill off Liz at some point to cut the legs out from under Red and show him overwhelmed with grief and renewed vengeance, and if Megan's pregnancy moved up that timeline. TV series aren't set in stone, and to get from A to B there are any number of ways for them to go. They change when they have to, maybe even a change so drastic, with a character so important, in a series that could have years more of story to tell.

In real life, death is never convenient and it doesn't wait for business to be finished. I do appreciate seeing that represented on television on rare occasions, even if it leaves practically everything unresolved. Whether Liz's death was real or fake, it was quite real to Red. Now, not long after standing over an empty grave, thanking Aram for saving Liz's life, we get to see him alone and overcome with grief. Based on everything that's come before, I'm sure Spader will give a powerhouse performance.

Red's collapse by the car...I had a deathbed speech written for Red. Spader said no. The collapse sells it all. He's so right. #TheBlacklist

— Daniel Cerone (@DanielVCerone) April 15, 2016

The truth is overpowering. #BlacklistBombshell #TheBlacklist pic.twitter.com/RFtychr1IW

— The Blacklist (@NBCBlacklist) April 15, 2016

Even though this is now the most depressing episode, it is one of my favorites for the sheer power of the acting and speculation of how much the game may change, and for how Liz will never know who Red is and how he lost the chance to tell her. He had so many chances, but he just couldn't. That is, of course, if it really is the end. We'll see what they do in the next episode and wait until the finale. Maybe there will be some hint of a future reunion. I mean, Liz was so important for these three years, that ending it this way, with no resolution for her, seems an odd choice. I'm sure there are people who have been shipping Red and Liz that will stop watching, enraged that their ship not only just hit an iceberg, but also seems to have been torpedoed, kamikazed, and engulfed by the perfect storm.

I'm glad I don't make those kinds of hasty decisions. I don't think that I know what's best for a series. There are always a lot of factors driving decisions, especialy ones this big, and I cannot know what they are until they're revealed. A series that I have loved has to do something truly unforgivable for me to stop watching and then not capitalize on what they have done in order to propel the story and the characters forward. I don't watch purely hoping that people get together, and never saw Red and Liz as a couple, so this startling development doesn't ruin it for me. I watch for the individuals, for the performances, for the emotion they pour into it. If one is lost, the other is still there and I want to know what happens to them In the wake of tragedy. I don't just give up, like many knee-jerk commenters threaten when anything bad happens to any character on any show.

I've been amazed by James Spader many times before, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what he does with such a fresh, bone-deep wound to explore.

I have no idea what will come of this, and I absolutely want to see what the writers have planned. Liz may have been an enormous part of the show, but that's only because of Red. Raymond Reddington's story is the catalyst and the focus. Everything that happens revolves around him. I want to see how deeply this affects Red, and I don't want to miss any performance from James Spader that's guaranteed to make viewers a sobbing mess. We already got a glimpse of that -- Red quiet and lost in his grief, unable to move from Liz's side, holding her hand to his face, giving her a very long, sweet, devastated kiss goodbye, then walking to the car, collapsing, and Dembe catching him. Out of all the beautiful and flawlessly-acted scenes in the series, this wordless one may be Spader's finest. The heartbreak on the screen was palpable and I think exceeded even that scene in "Madeline Pratt" where he was talking about the loss of his family with tears in his eyes and trembling voice. I have a Tumblr post for that somewhere around here.

And then the tease for next week actually said to watch for Spader's performance. That also had me wondering how else he could astound me; he's already done it so much. Every episode of this series has had something to recommend it, because of what the writers have given Spader and the brilliant way he takes their words to somewhere incredible, adding a beating heart and layers of emotion. I can't wait for this. Sad that the season is almost over already, sad to know what just happened, and sad that I likely won't know until next September or October how Red will move on...or if all of this was just an elaborate late April Fool's joke. If this really was the end for Elizabeth Keen, though, I am ready for whatever The Blacklist has in store for the future. This tweet by the episode's writer gives a little hope.

Before I joined #TheBlacklist this season, I had to know...Red...Liz...their connection. Is there was a plan? There is a plan. It's awesome.

— Daniel Cerone (@DanielVCerone) April 15, 2016

Of course, the plan may not need Liz to be alive. Even if Megan dedicates herself to being a stay-at-home mom, hopefully she can make a few flashback type appearances here and there, or as a manifestation of Red's desire to not let go of Liz, or maybe even pop up a ways down the road and say, "Hey, guess what? Not dead." That last one seems farfetched, by the way they filmed "Mr. Solomon: Conclusion" and for the glimpses of the upcoming funeral. But this was just such a devastating episode, I have to hold out hope until I see firm proof that Liz is actually in that coffin and of where the series is planning to go in the wake of such a loss. When I do, then I can let go, too. I would have loved for both Liz and Red to be happy in the end, but I never expected it. Instead, it seems we will get to see a new direction, and possibly reinvigoration, of the series. I've been amazed by James Spader many times before, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what he does with such a fresh, bone-deep wound to explore.

In script, Liz says to Red: "I do love..." Spader asked me if she was going to say "you." I said "yes." Spader said "cool." #TheBlacklist"

— Daniel Cerone (@DanielVCerone) April 15, 2016

I wish I could have written more about The Blacklist this year. I didn't take notes on any episode, like I've done in the past. It's not about less interest, but about less time. I took on a big thing around the same time as TV season was starting last September and have been bogged down ever since writing about just two series instead of three. I didn't mean to cut out The Blacklist; it just happened that way, unfortunately. Then my Mom went to the hospital for three weeks in Janauary, and she's been back there again for the last three weeks. Visiting her has taken whatever time I had left, and I've gladly given it.

But The Blacklist just keeps getting more high stakes and this is the biggest thing that could have happened to Red, so I had to scratch out a moment to add my keystrokes to the opinions of what just happened in case I'm the only reasonable and understanding one out there. I bet the TBL and character tags on Tumblr are awash with emotion and indignation right now...but I'm sure if I check them out, I'll just find a dozen things to dispute with people who despise any kind of change, and I can't dedicate that kind of time anymore.

Seems more like a series finale is coming rather than a season finale. This episode itself seemed like a finale. I can't imagine how Red would recover after this, but I'm sure Liz's baby, Agnes, will help give him a new purpose. And Tom, who only recently started caring about others, now has the huge responsibility of caring for a child on his own. And Tom's life now is a sort of parallel to Red's: both having tragically lost loved ones because of the work they are involved in. However they proceed, The Blacklist gets deeper emotionally all the time and Liz's absence will truly be felt. This twist that I never imagined ensures that this series keeps its high standing among my top favorites. Now, let's see what else it can do.

Related Article // James Spader on That Shocking Twist
Transcripts // Blacklist Declassified and Forever Dreaming.
Preview for next week //

It's October 1 already! How did this happen? The Blacklist is starting its third season in less than half an hour. I don't think I've posted anything about it since season two ended on the "Tom Connolly" shocker with Liz killing Connolly and having to go on the run with Red.

I haven't posted anything about The Blacklist for quite a while now. For that you can blame both my procrastinating during the long breaks and another favorite show of mine, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Marvel has limited edition artwork for each of the final twelve episodes of SHIELD that I've been writing about, twice as many as last year. There are still three to go, so I doubt I'll get a chance to write about The Blacklist again before the finale. This season has been fantastic, but it takes me so long to finish certain posts, never knowing whether to concentrate on a few aspects or to just keep writing until words lose all meaning. I rely mostly on memory, because I hardly get the chance to rewatch and I never pause to take notes; if I did that, my family would wonder why I was ruining their viewing experience. Kept my TV blogging secret for five years and counting. I don't do a recap style anyway, so I never had the inclination to take notes. My style is more a reaction to the characters and their situation. So, you can usually find me just speaking off the cuff about the things that I loved the most about an episode - the feeling of it, how relationships change, how much Red gets hurt and still cannot reveal to Liz more than whispers of the truth. Then I rearrange that into something readable.

What you'll almost never find here are complaints about my favorite shows. They're my favorites for a reason. Something would have to be very wrong for me to project my own desires on them and be disappointed when they go another way. I never feel that they owe me anything. The writers generally know what they're doing and, while I imagine alternate scenarios for every scene, how it all ties together and what could happen, I don't presume that any ideas I have would be better. Where they are headed is for them to figure out in their own time and for us to discover the pieces bit by bit. I demand nothing other than beautiful drama, characters to care for, and an intriguing story. The Blacklist surely has a story to tell, and I am along for the ride as long as it stays true to its core: a dangerous man who betrayed his country and became a criminal mastermind, a broken man who lost his family and is trying to protect someone he loves and feels responsible for, and all the emotional baggage that come with that.

I'm running out of time here before the next episode, "Quon Zhang," which airs tonight at 9 PM Eastern on NBC. I actually sacrificed work for this, as usual. So, since I spent so long on that preamble, I think I'll just pick a few favorite moments to gush over. A few possible spoilers follow for those who aren't caught up to "Leonard Caul."

The first minutes of the episode with Liz and Dembe trying to get Red into the car without getting shot themselves, Red gasping for air, excruciating pain etched on his face, may have been the most intense scene of the series. And, yes, I do remember everything Red and Liz went through in the "Anslo Garrick" and "Luther Braxton" two-parters. There have been exciting moments, satisfying moments, funny moments, emotional moments, tense moments, unexpected moments, but this was something else. I was genuinely concerned that he might not make it, that he would never have another chance to reveal the truth to Liz. He is the show and it wouldn't work without him, so I shouldn't have been nervous, but I can't see him getting out alive in the end. From day one I've dreaded that, but in this episode I was concerned that it had come far sooner than expected.

.@NBCBlacklist My heart never beat so hard for any other episode, especially during the shootout. The music playing over it was perfect.

— Erin Bates (@Reinbeast) April 24, 2015

I would include my tweet about the episode, but I'm mobile and can't access the desktop site. Anyway, if you're curious about my immediate reaction, follow this link. I'll replace it later with an embedded tweet if I get the chance.

This whole episode was a testament to Spader's talent. He has an innate understanding of how to play characters as people. The complexity of the role demands that in some scenes Spader play up the cold-blooded, menacingly jovial personality to protect his reputation in his dealings, and in others drop Red's guard to show the vulnerable and broken man beneath. He never fails to impress, but this episode showed even another layer. He was so convincing that I momentarily forgot that Red is irreplaceable and not likely to meet his maker...yet. In the end, surely. A number of times I realized I was holding my breath. Spader was captivating throughout, even when he was just listening to Tom, too tired and hurt to do otherwise. Until this episode's Petented Red Monologue near the end, he had few lines, mostly mumbled, blood choking the words. It was a superb performance that again managed to surprise me.

What didn't surpise me is that Dembe wouldn't leave Red's side, sending Liz in his stead to Red's apartment to get the machine to decrypt the Fulcrum. It's a small, lonely place filled with books, records, an unfinished jigsaw puzzle. And a kitty! At least he has company. Dembe knew Liz would see things there to reignite her hunger for the truth, including photos Red thought she would never see. This was a betrayal of Red's trust, now that I'm thinking about it. Though Dembe says he understands why Red hasn't told her, he obviously believes she should know.

Then there was Kate (Mr. Kaplan) saying she would stay, Red telling her to go, then giving him her gun and kissing him gently on the forehead. It was so sweet. I need to know her story. It's so touching to see people care about him.

Those moments made me even more nervous about the imminent attack, a situation even more dire than in the intense "Anslo Garrick" because there was no impenetrable box to hide in. The Director's kill team breach the door and toss a grenade. The sound of the action dims, the music taking over for a bigger emotional impact as Red's men are picked off one by one. Red alone in his bed, with just a gun and a hole in his chest. Still, taking out three guys before trying to get a weapon off one of them. Liz saving the day by bringing the Fulcrum to the Director, forcing him to call off Red's assassination seconds before the trigger is pulled, leaving Red stunned.

But not stunned enough to finally spill his guts to Liz. He almost took the secret to his grave and he still can't bring himself to say enough, even after he admitted to Dembe that he should have. Red almost got there with that beautiful speech. It looked like he was struggling not to. He wants Liz to know, but at the same time he's afraid to let her in. He seems to think the truth may destroy what's left of their strained relationship. But not telling her is even worse. He thought she should come to it in time, but the longer he strings her along the more likely he will lose her for good. Liz is a little ball of anger who's been though enough to nearly break her, and he hasn't handled her very well. That's just frustrated her more, and she has given up on Red ever being straight with her, teaming up with Tom to uncover the truth.

Until then, here's the entirety of the speech to savor again. It's one of Red's best.

"Liz, when I hired Tom Keen, it was at a time of profound transition in your life. You'd already left behind the relative safety and innocence of youth. Sam's care as a father had served you well, but you'd outgrown him. And I knew eventually my life would jeopardize yours. So, in an admittedly presumptuous and ultimately futile effort to keep you safe, I hired Tom, simply to be there, as a friend of a friend, to look after you from an arm's length. When I learned that your relationship had become intimate, I fired him. I should've removed him, but you were already in love with him. And Tom, he shifted his allegiance to Berlin in part to protect himself from me, but also because it allowed for an inextricable intimacy and commitment to you. And so you were married, and I couldn't stay away any longer. A confluence of peril had entered your life, and I wanted to be within reach, to have influence. I turned myself in to the FBI to point you toward a truth that, inevitably, you would have to discover for yourself."

I do not like the sneak peek for "Quon Zhang" involving Dembe and Samar. Please don't be the way it looks. Ugh, this show is going to kill me. If you missed it, you can watch below.

The Blacklist returns tonight! You may have seen me mention it if you read Part 1. I'm doing a happy dance, but tinged with a bit of sadness. "DaddyGate" (those of us who believe Red is Liz's father or father figure) versus "Lizzington" (those of us who want to see them together in a more intimate way) turned nasty at some point on Tumblr and I fell out of love with blogging there. I had great fun debating theories last year and spending so much time on Tumblr. People were so active and made such wonderful GIFs and I even started making my own. But then I started seeing (mainly shipper) comments that put others' theories down, and they became less and less polite about it. Some said there was no father-daughter relationship, though there was no proof. Another said that they would stop watching the show if Red and Liz didn't get together or, worse, if they were related. They said that would turn it into a cliche. How is that? I thought it was nonsense. I have never seen the man lost his family to an unknown psychopath or sanctioned hit one Christmas Eve-saved his/a friend's/an enemy's daughter (edit, 10/1/15: or his daughter from an affair, as I'm now thinking a year later, the day of the season 3 premiere) from a burning house-gave her to his best friend to keep her safe-followed her from the shadows for years until she got into the FBI-turned himself in to work with her and get to the bottom of what happened to his family and exact revenge-won't tell her who he is for fear of hurting her or putting her in danger-being targeted by a madman who's thinks he killed the madman's daughter in the most horrible way story before.

If that's a cliche then how is changing the details to kidnapped her from her real father any better? It changes their relationship and possibly the reason he was targeted but not the depth of feeling of the series. It would diminish nothing in the storytelling. I have always found the father angle to be the most poignant one (not necessarily the right one), just ahead of atoning for his sins or being framed and targeted. What you want their relationship to be and what it turns out to be may not be exactly the same. That doesn't change what came before and how it made you feel at the time. It will only serve to shine a light on every action, every word from Red. And it may, no matter the outcome, increase the emotional resonance. Whatever is right for the story, whatever makes the most impact is how it should be.

I'm telling you with no uncertainty, your father is dead. He died in that fire.

What I took away from that moment is that he was talking about himself. I love the reveal at the end, that Red did brave that fire to save Liz. She was too young to remember anything other than that her father saved her. It's possible Liz assumed it was him or, just as easily, maybe she was so certain because of the way it felt to be in his arms and a reassuring voice. Red saving his daughter from the fire then blowing up his own house years later can make sense. The fire could have been confined to a bedroom or the second floor, the floor he looked up at when he entered and put his hand on the banister. The house could have been renovated. Yes, there are a lot of "could haves," but that's what this show is made of. I had a thought once that maybe Red had more than one daughter. That would explain the two different girls he remembered who brought tears to his eyes. That is, if they are supposed to be different people. They could have just wanted to show different moments in her life. It was a feeling more than anything in the way he recounted the night his world crashed down.

There were so many times Red's concern for Liz seemed parental. Even if they are not related, he may feel that way and he at least knew her as a child (but how well?), which ruled out the romantic angle for me. He had an attachment to her before she even met him. He has protected her without hesitation and has let her know he always would. He killed Sam to keep the truth from her, so lying when she asked if he was her father wouldn't be a stretch. In that scene, he took a few beats to think about how much he should say. He takes it hard when she is angry with him. He casually threw out a comment in "Berlin" about them not being on speaking terms as reminiscent of elementary school. And the biggest moment for me was that music box he knew would trigger a memory of her father humming its song to her when she couldn't sleep. It would seem only a relative or close friend would know something like that and he didn't just guess. He was so still and apprehensive, as Red always is in those moments - wanting to tell her everything but unable to.

Someone pointed out a long time ago, when I gave all my reasons for not seeing Red and Liz in a relationship, that a DNA test would have immediately ruled him out and that's why they could not be related. I admitted that it never crossed my mind. I had just assumed it had mentioned it before and I forgot or missed it since my family makes comments while watching TV. I realized on a rewatch that they were right. That seems more of an oversight on the writer's part or it got cut for time. Hopefully, they'll eventually say something either way. If it turns out he is related then I have to assume he would have had an ally get to the results before anyone saw them. Whatever the truth is, it always felt like Red at least thought of Liz as a daughter. Answers are few and far between and the emotional impact will be huge once the full picture is revealed. Taking so long to get there has been beautifully agonizing; all of those little Red and Liz moments allowing us to fall in love with them.

Sadly, the time it has taken to get this far also divided us. I was heavily into Tumblr for months. I still visit occasionally, because I miss the interaction and seeing how others interpret the same moments, but I've found it's much more pleasant to be alone with my thoughts or with other, less judgmental, more joyful fandoms, like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Nearing the end of season one, I felt more and more unwelcome with the people I followed and it was starting to affect my love for the show. I was frustrated with the incessant I'm right-you're wrong posts, all caps yelling and snide "Daddygater" remarks. I should have shrugged it off since I was open to any direction the show wanted to go in, but it became relentless. The fandom suddenly made me angry or brought me to the verge of tears nearly every day, though the vitriol was usually not directed at me personally, and I found myself wanting to write and write and write back against it all. But my opinions weren't valid even though no one had concrete answers, and I was tired of spending too much time writing about and GIFing The Blacklist (which takes so long) and then being completely ignored or told not too gently that I was wrong.

One day it became too much and I decided to stay out of it for a while. I thought we were all trying to have a good time, but fans had been pointlessly sniping at each other while I sat in the middle, leaning toward the father-daughter theory for good reason and just as easily leaning the other way when I heard an argument that held water. I understand that shippers got fed up with anti-shippers ranting at them, which I had been completely unaware of, but the behavior from both sides saying that others are ignoring facts to suit their whims or that they are only casual fans clinging to stupid theories because they haven't paid attention is just not acceptable. The problem stemmed from people interpreting interactions differently. We only had speculation about their relationship, but I was considered a fool that I saw it another way even after the finale, which seemed to say more than words. If the shippers turn out to be right, there will be no hard feelings from me, because they are actually good people and we're all only looking for the truth. For now I'll continue to keep my mouth relatively shut on the subject of The Blacklist over there, while still reblogging all the interesting, soul-shattering moments. But for conversation, I find far fewer people make me feel bad on Twitter.

Update: Spoilers for the first two episodes of season 2. I can now definitively say, even with many questions unanswered, that the father-daughter theory has been put to rest. Red's wife and daughter are alive, though the way he spoke about them in "Madeline Pratt" made it seem like there was more than one child. Anyway, that's okay with me, because trying to get to the bottom of Red and Liz's relationship is still intriguing. And I still don't see them as a couple. It always felt like either Liz was related or she was an emotional substitute for Red's daughter, not a potential girlfriend. Now maybe everyone has calmed down on Tumblr...or more likely there are a lot of I-told-you-so's going around.

Update 2 (10/1/15): Or is that theory revived? I now feel like Red could have had an affair. It's not far-fetched. He's spent a lot of time away from home, and maybe decades ago he was not being faithful to his wife while abroad. I'm not sure if this was a theory I thought of at the beginning of the series (I'd have to read back through), but I like it. Red didn't didn't raise her, so he doesn't feel he has any claim to being Liz's father, but it explains how he's got this parental longing towards her at times, that desire to tell her the truth and the desire to keep her safe from it. I felt that from the beginning and it only got stronger with every emotional beat. Of course, as I've said before, he could also just bear a responsibility for her and became obsessively attached to her after he lost his own little girl. Liz hardly notices his concern and pain because she's usually mad at him and he tries so hard to hide it, but we all see it.

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After everything that happened during this thrilling first season - Red confronting the Stewmaker with seething rage and seeming self-loathing, torture at the hands of Anslo Garrick, Grey's betrayal and so much more - two huge pieces of the puzzle were saved for last. In the final episodes we learn that Berlin's reasons for going after Red have nothing to do with business but an unrelenting personal hatred. The story he told the authorities, in the guise of a guard, about a Russian colonel who was sent parts of his daughter while he was imprisoned, may have been embellished, but Berlin clearly blames Red for her death. I loved the Keyser Soze nod, but some manner-deficient know-it-all was ranting about it and a lot more, apparently not understanding it was an homage and proving only that he had no real understanding of the series. Anyone who has seen the Usual Suspects immediately recognized the way the story was being told. The similarities ended there since Berlin wasn't made up by another character and had nothing to do with killing his own daughter, who was revealed to be the girl from Stanley Cornish's album when he was shown holding a pocket watch with the same photo inside, the same photo Red looked upon with such sadness. Was that loss or guilt, I always wondered?

Watching "The Stewmaker," I first thought that it might be Liz, but she was far younger when she was given to Sam and faking her death years later would make no sense. Then I thought she could be Red's daughter or someone he had failed. Quite a few episodes later, along came the ballerina, who seemed to be of similar age and features, so I thought, yes, the girl in the photo had been Red's child. Now it seems she and the ballerina are different people. There is no doubt now that she is Berlin's daughter rather than Red's. I think I came across a theory many months ago that she could have been Red's wife, but that doesn't seem like a possibility. She would've had to have had a 3-year-old, at least, as seen in "Frederick Barnes," but she looked like a child herself. And both her death and Red's personal tragedy were in December of 1990. Red wouldn't have been bringing home a car full of presents to a family that had just lost their mother, thinking about how they would laugh at his misfortune when he got there.

So why would Red take the picture if she was not someone he lost? Maybe as a reminder of what he had become? Who is she, one of the biggest motivators of the story, to Red? Did he really do to her what Berlin claims? I can't see it with the way he cares about children, at least not intentionally; maybe in a compartmentalized operation where he didn't know the full scope or under extreme duress. But Berlin finding out about Red and enacting revenge within the month would be unnaturally swift action, unless he was tipped off by someone who had Red's worst interests at heart. If I remember correctly, Berlin was tortured with pieces of his daughter over weeks, which would considerably shrink the timeline. Also, if Berlin had gotten revenge before, why would he be after Red again? And if Red had done something so monstrous, or had disguised a kidnapping as a murder and used that to drive Berlin to a depthless rage, he would not be wondering who was systematically trying to take him down. Instead, Berlin would be first on Red's list of enemies to keep an eye out for, but Red had no idea who laid waste to his life or who Berlin is and what he could possibly want now. Maybe Red's family had been the target of someone else, and had he not broken down he probably would have been home and met the same fate.

We also learned from the finale that Red did go into that fire, as we all suspected from those glimpses of a man saving Liz. From the moment he asked about her scar in the first episode, it was clear he knew her. What stranger would be so forward? The show never tried to hide how moved Red is by being close to her. So after a full season of subject changes and sidestepping of the question, once even asked point blank, some jumped at Red's scars as definitive proof that he is Liz's father. On any other show I wouldn't question it. It could be as simple as what many thought from the first moment they met, which is not really simple at all but rather emotionally complex. We only know for sure now that Red saved Liz, and shippers would have an issue if I said otherwise. He was the one who brought her to Sam and asked him to raise her as his own, so we always had an almost certain suspicion. It was wonderful to have it confirmed, to see the evidence he risked his life for a little girl. But we still don't know if that was because of parental instincts or because he set it for some reason before realizing she was inside. Maybe Liz has nothing to do with Berlin's enmity toward Red. Berlin is, after all, not number one on Red's Blacklist. So who is? There are so many questions and so many reasons for thinking he is her father and then also theories that allow for a connection despite not having any relation. I'll savor every episode this year that gets me a step closer to the truth.

NEXT, PART 3 - THE BLACKLIST THEORIES AND TUMBLR SNIPING
PREVIOUSLY, PART 1 - THE BLACKLIST RETURNS TONIGHT

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Is the second season premiere of The Blacklist really already here? Summer always fools me. It seems long enough that I can get everything done before fall comes around, but there are always so many distractions. I saw some great movies and wrote about a couple of them, got caught up on the breathtakingly intense Game of Thrones again, started the intriguing Orphan Black and restarted the hilarious Red Vs. Blue after a decade break. I spent the rest of the summer never finding the time for rewatches of The Blacklist, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. or Fringe. I had so much work with my new second job that I had only small free periods where I would choose to blog about shirts or play GTAV. That resulted in not finishing a bunch of posts about this series (or really any other) or all the GIFs I'd been excited about making.

So without the benefit of important episodes fresh in my mind, I have to complete this based on what I had written already, which was actually quite a lot. Always at the forefront are the many emotional moments, moments where the emotion is given time to sink in rather than quickly cutting away like so many other series. James Spader being one of the most gifted actors, I was immediately invested. When Red isn't quipping up a storm or innocently marveling at the skill of an acquaintance, jovial moments the series needs, his facade drops away and we see the damaged, dangerous man underneath who is equally at home holding Liz's hand as he is getting the upper hand with a serial killer. His grief-stricken heart has compassion for the wronged, but he can be cold and callous if you get in his way.

All of these things made this series such a perfect surprise last year. If it had been cancelled after the finale, it would have been one of the true tragedies of the fickle television landscape. I would have felt that way even very early on, after the deep dark of the fourth episode, The Stewmaker; that's how quickly The Blacklist established itself as a series that deserved to be finished the right way. But luckily enough, it was such a juggernaut that it was renewed after only nine weeks. I hope this season keeps that momentum at the very least until we find out what the deal is with Red and Liz, because that is the core that the series still hasn't been fully revealed. We think we know some of it, but we can't be sure of anything other than Liz's past is unknown to her and Red and Berlin are two fathers who lost children and never let go.

NEXT, PART 2 - IS RED THE MONSTER BERLIN BELIEVES HIM TO BE?

Get The Blacklist on Blu-ray, DVD or Amazon Instant Video where the Pilot episode is currently free.

"I can only lead you to the truth. I can't make you believe it."
"The truth is that you're a sick, twisted man."

I love how in these scenes Red tries to explain himself, but Liz is having none of it and tells him off, both times ending the relationship...or so she thinks. (Edit 1/11/18: You know by now that she keeps going back and why she's drawn to Red and what his decidedly not "sick" and "twisted," but rather heartbreaking, fascination with her is.) Afterward, Red sits there in stunned silence. The tears in his eyes, after having lost so much in his life, make the scenes that much more painful to watch, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

In "Gina Zanetakos" he was absolutely right that Tom wasn't who he said he was. Liz eventually found out about Tom and that Red wasn't just out to destabilize her life. Liz started trusting Red more and things moved forward, their relationship salvaged and strengthened. But in "The Kingmaker," it was revealed what Red had done to Sam, Liz's adoptive father. No matter the spin he puts on it, this time it's permanently changed, possibly damaged beyond repair if he takes too much longer to tell her the truth. Red may have been helping his friend in taking away Sam's suffering, but he was also selfish in not wanting Sam to reveal his secret. Liz may eventually come to understand why, but I can't see how she could ever forgive that act.

Here are the previous parallel scenes that I forgot to post a little while ago, the first from "Pilot" and the second from "Milton Bobbit." There may have been more, but these are the only ones I made GIFs out of/associate right now.

So I just realized it's Monday (now Tuesday, because I didn't get to finish this yesterday), which means The Blacklist is finally back. I say "finally" even though the last new episode was only two weeks ago, because there have been an incredible amount of breaks for this show. The longest was six weeks in the winter, followed by just two or three new episodes, and then another three weeks off for the Olympics. It seems that most shows this season (at least the ones I love) have had more time off than usual, not including the Olympics. Or maybe it's just me noticing and caring more now in an unusual year where I fell crazy in love with multiple new series at the same time. That just never happens.

An Evening in New York With The Blacklist streamed live on April 2. It was at 8 PM, so I couldn't watch, but they made it available the next day. Annoyingly, I only got half way through before I had to do something else. Then I tried multiple other times over the following weeks and was always interrupted. I'm finishing it today no matter what before the next thing, likely Blacklist-related, grabs my attention.

Now for the one person out there that hasn't seen this or those who are just now bingeing on the show, here are the highlights of this panel. You can see the full panel at Emmys.com. It's much more fun hearing the words from the actors themselves rather than just reading them, and they have a lot more to say than just these few select quotes.

I think that if you care and you breathe, and you keep caring and you keep breathing, something happens.

I found out today I know a lot about architecture... In my head I was like, 'So when I was in graduate school studying tech and engineering, I had an architecture requirement course, and it's coming in handy to get this Blacklister this week.'

Any backstory with Aram is a great thing. Hopefully, the secondary characters will come to the fore a bit more when there is room for it, because I want to know more about Aram, Meera, and Dembe.

I think the bad guys are good.

I never like the questions of good or bad. Just about everyone has the capability to be both at any time depending on circumstances. Whether Dembe is good or bad doesn't matter much to me unless he does something irredeemable, say killing an innocent for no reason and without regret. I don't see that happening unless the writers want us to turn against him. What matters is that Dembe and Red are loyal to each other; there is good in that.

I remember the first thing you said to me after I read the other side was, 'Wow, man. You're a dick.'

Some of my best friends are ruthless killers.

As we all do when we're in love, sometimes we're blinded to things.

And this is why I was always on her side. A criminal comes into your life and tells you to be careful of your husband, of course you're not going to believe him until you have some evidence. As Megan said, and I always wonder how people don't realize, she has a history with Tom that we as the audience do not. Why would she be mistrutful of her husband? We're on the outside and get to see what she doesn't. It always amazes me when people say a character is being written stupidly when it's really that they are being written as human, not omniscient. There are great manipulators in this world that even the keenest of us don't see for what they are until it's too late.

We try to peel back the layers on Red. We try to expose his vulnerability as much as we can, and you've seen it; you've seen it in series. And James is absolutely incredible at playing that, at playing those moments, and that's what humanizes the character.

I'm sure I'm repeating myself from all my other posts about The Blacklist, but that vulnerability is mesmerizing, and James was the right choice to expose the profound damage of Red's heart and soul.

I think at least once every episode of The Blacklist I have thought, "That couldn't have been a more perfect scene." But in "Ivan" I got the one moment that I was absolutely sure, even with all the unpredictability this mystery provides, was inevitable from Red and Liz's first meeting. And it couldn't have happened any sooner or any better. It reinforced Red's love for Liz and showed a significant step forward in trust. That's all I wanted, because they are important to each other...and we still don't know why! Which I am so happy with. I love all the teases and everything that can be interpreted a number of ways. It's a joy to think of all the possibilities.

Subjective evidence to the contrary notwithstanding, some of which I agree with when looking at it from a certain perspetive, to me this moment felt father-daughter, even if he's not, which is just as likely as anything else: the way he held her, kissed her, and rested his head against hers, an expression of contentment on Red's face, Liz closing her eyes and letting herself be embraced, where before she often tried keeping a distance and took every opportunity to remind Red what she thought of him. The theory that they're related in some way hasn't been unequivocally disproven, and only concrete answers will convince me of what their relationship really is. Until then I am open to and ready for anything.

I noticed that Liz recalling that her father would lie in bed with her and hum that song the music box was playing, the box Red spent the whole case building, showed only that he has more intimate knowledge of her than she ever knew. Red barely said a word and acknowledged nothing, as is his way, always either dancing around issues with an amusing change of subject or stiff and tight-lipped, seeming to want to say something but unable to allow himself; he just listened to her and held her. That scene can also play as a shipper's dream or, more simply, a friend comforting a friend. I'm still entertaining all of the other ideas I have had since the beginning - uncle, godfather, family friend, guardian angel, and even the dreaded pawn in a dangerous game theory. I have always been drawn to the idea that Red is Liz's father, but I didn't make it up because of any desire for that to be the case. It was the feeling I got from how much he longed to be with her even before she knew him. He has a strong bond to her that has been hurting him by keeping it secret. If it turns out not to be, then I will celebrate the shippers, because I'm all about the story. It's not mine to tell, only to enjoy. From what I know already about where the series has been and how much it has given, there is no way it can disappoint.

The more mysteries they sprinkle in this show, the more my mind spins off in different directions. I adore the speculation. Speaking of which, boy, has the timeline thrown me for a loop. I have always wondered if there was more than one child that Red lost. From the beginning I thought maybe it was Liz, since they were strongly hinting towards that, but also that it wouldn't be so straightforward, and soon after came the girl in the photo. She was likely dead since she was a cleaner's trophy, so they had to be different people. Maybe neither is Red's daughter, but that photo was the first hint that he was really profoundly broken.

Then there was the daughter at the end of "Frederick Barnes," who would have been young enough to forget her father if she was alive today. (All Red said in "Madeline Pratt" was that "all there was was blood," but he didn't mention bodies.) I previously thought that the memory of her was a time close to the tragedy, the last good memory he was clinging to of his happy little girl playing and laughing in the yard. I didn't think she could be the same girl as the one in the photo until they introduced the ballerina, who struck me as looking similar. So they could just be using two girls to represent Red's memories of his daughter at different ages. The ballerina was maybe eight years old, the Swan Lake performance took place three years before the night that changed his life, and the girl in the photo didn't look much older. So I came back around to thinking maybe his daughter (or one of his daughters) really did end up in Stanley Cornish's tub. I sincerely hope not, because...just wow. It would explain his barely contained rage while telling the story of the farmer in that intensely mesmerizing scene from "The Stewmaker." What he did to Stanley would be completely justified from his point of view.

And to complicate things more, there was also Jolene/Lucy. I went way out there and thought maybe a kidnapped daughter, because Red recognized her in ViCAP. Since she was then later introduced in "The Alchemist," an episode about criminals stealing the lives and taking over the identities of the innocent, as someone who was supposedly dead, I thought maybe she was impersonating a loved one of Red's. When he had no emotion over her death at the hands of Tom, any thoughts that she was family disappeared. But did he know her? Did she turn on him? So many questions, my head might explode.

Even without yet revealing the whole truth, The Blacklist has consistently been one of the most emotionally devastating and fulfilling shows in my life. I don't often connect this strongly with a story or character. It has been a nice slow burn, the bits and pieces revealing themselves only when it's time, making it far more emotional than if it had been given up quickly, which would have created a terrible feeling that all of it was unearned and, therefore, shallow and pointless. The brilliance of The Blacklist is in every drop of heartache that spills from James Spader.

On a sidenote, after I wrote this I realized I was probably going to regret it, still not picking a side, restating the possibilities I love most. I was busy writing and GIFing, but I took a timeout to check a few Blacklist posts and discovered that there are still people putting others down for their opinion. I didn't read further, because I didn't want to be angered and waste my time. Some people need to realize that while they can share their theories and the "evidence" to support it, they have no right to deride others' equally valid theories. As of "Ivan" there is still only speculation, what we project from our own experiences, imaginations, and desires onto the story. Until we are given concrete answers, there is no right or wrong. Ships, please keep sailing. Those who never boarded, keep hoping they're related. And those still stuck in the harbor, I know how you feel. ;)